A wife's reaction

One Saturday last summer I left home about 7:30 am to play golf with some friends.  On the way out the door may wife yells down the stairs to me “what time will you be home?”   I thought for a second and replied “probably about 1:30, I’ll have lunch at the club.”

Well, when I finally rolled in the door at 11:45pm she greeted me at the door.  With a not too impressed look on her face.  You know the one I'm talking about.  I immediately started to explain.

“We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive woman with a flat tire on her car.  I stopped to help, got the tire changed.  She offered money, but I refused.  So, she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said, there’s a pub just up the road, we can grab a beer there and I'd be able to clean up.  I agreed to stop, I mean I was thirsty. We had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this woman was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with. Before I knew it, we were in her bedroom having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home.”

My wife looked me in the eye and said “Don’t shit me; you played 36 holes, didn’t you?”

New Golf Book

I got this joke in an email a few years back.  It is hilarious, and I never forgot it.  Check it out.

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.
Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.
Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank.
Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger.
Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.
Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 – How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.
Chapter 10 – When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.
Chapter 11 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.
Chapter 12 – Why your Spouse Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13- Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.
Chapter 14 – When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.
Chapter 15 – How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.
Chapter 16 – When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.
Chapter 17 – God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.
Chapter 18 – When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.
Chapter 19 – Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.
Chapter 20 – Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?
Chapter 21 – Why Male Golfers Will Pay $5.00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and Give her a $3 Tip , but will balk at $4.50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.


Bobby Rusher is the author of "How to Line up your Fouth Putt" and "When to Regrip your Ball Retriever" and I have to give credit where credit is due.  His stuff is hilarious.  Check it out, at http://www.4putt.com/

Cheers,

RP